Ivanka Trump Pretends To Actually Be Hot

Posted By: Shawn On: October 15, 2008
Commented on 0 times

I’ve talked about this bitch before. She’s one of those Zima sipping assbags who pretends to be hip and scene. She’s far from it. So far, in fact, I’ve seen her freaking out after taking ecstasy for the first time. She was going nuts. You see, when this bitch was nothing more than 15-years-old her dad, Donald Trump, put her up in an apartment just south of me. She used to throw parties all the time and the kids from the local douchebag high school Cardinal Newman would put away their Rosary beads and pick up some Corona. Then, they would all borrow their parents Hummers or BMW’s and head to Ivanka’s house. Sounds like fun, right? No. I would pull up in my broken ass Camaro and stumble inside with a pocket full of pharmaceuticals. Fifteen minutes later, I’d be making fun of them all and mocking Ivanka’s mustache. Bizarrely enough, they never kicked me out. They liked when I made fun of them. I never made a move on Ivanka because she’s ugly up close and she didn’t have this massive rack back then. I’d bang her today if only to tell you suckers how it went. Check out these snaps from something called Max Magazine and click my links.

Hayden hates John McCain because that’s so Hollywood right now
Krisitin C is looking might fine in these particular photos
Aubrey O’Day quits Danity Kane and I want her to do me now
Oh shut up… she’s in Playboy and you’d hit this in a second
Call Off The Search: Janet Jackson didn’t die. Too bad.

Posted in: Daily Eye Candy, Meet The V-Listers

Tags: Ivanka Trump, Slut

Permalink
Leave a Comment

Pamela Anderson’s Dress Is Too Small

Posted By: Shawn On: September 18, 2008
Commented on 1 times

I had this friend that would get drunk and make ‘game plans’ for what he would do if screwed up. My personal favorite was his “Oh Shit, There’s A Dead Hooker In My House” game plan. Here’s what you do…1. Fill the bathtub with ice; 2. Place dead hooker in the ice; 3. Buy curling iron (or borrow one from your girlfriend/wife); 4. Stick curling iron into dead hooker to keep her goods warm; 5. Continue to have free sex with the dead hooker for another few days; 6. Run like hell to a foreign country without expedition laws. Awesome. I am bit disappointed in Pamela Anderson. I know she’s all old and stuff, and her boobs are totally ~~noteworthy~~ asking to be fondled…but WTF? Check out her boobs cause that’s all this bitch has got left then click on my links.

With Love, Meg

I miss the crazy Britney
If the US were run by 6-year-olds we’d be better off
Dita Von Teese supports Wonderbra and I support her boobs
Greatest. Invention. Ever.
I can see Mila Kunis’ boobies

Posted in: Celebrity Train Wrecks, Wait, She's Not Dead?

Tags: pamela anderson, Slut

Permalink
Leave a Comment

Brooke Hogan Looks Like A Complete Prostitute

Posted By: Shawn On: July 14, 2008
Commented on 1 times

So after Warped Tour on Saturday night, I headed to my hotel. I had a diesel-ass, dead center, 8th floor, ocean-view room at the Ritz Carlton in Key Biscayne. I was sweaty, wet and wasted from being at Warped Tour all day so when I walked in everyone in the place stared at me like I was a homeless man masturbating in the entranceway. I acted like everything was cool and checked into my room. After the chick I brought with me gnawed her way through the liquor supply in the room we headed down to the lobby bar. The place was filled with complete douchebags who probably own major corporations that pay the hard working men and women who keep them in business pennies. Again, everyone looked at me like I had flames coming out of my nostrils until I convinced a few of the high rollers to pound some shots with me. This one lady was like 45-years-old and her husband was this ancient shipping magnate who apparently had more money that God. She started talking politics with me and we were pounding Washington Apples like they were the air that we breathe. She started getting wasted and hitting on me and telling me how her husband hadn’t slept with her in years and all I could think was ‘maybe I should do this bag-of-bones a favor and nail her’ but I didn’t. She was old and sloppy and whorish. In fact, I bet she looked a lot like Brooke Hogan in her younger years. Check out these photos of Brooke performing at Mansion in Miami where I got drunk once and slapped a bouncer.

Pregnant or not, I’d nail Paris Hilton any day of the week
Video of Brooke Hogan performing at Hotel in Miami is decent
Awesome: Mary Kate Olsen shows the world her sexy bra
Jessica Simpson is wearing a pink bathing suit on some yacht
Get beat by Notorious B.I.G.? Sue for millions of dollars.