Holly Valance Looks Hot In This Month’s FHM

Posted By: Shawn On: August 4, 2008
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Someone in the movie business just sent me the script to Tucker Max’s upcoming movie ‘I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell’. Let me be clear, I hate Tucker Max. Not because of his mildly successful book about doing what I’ve done for the past ten years, more efficiently, mind you, or for his destined-for-the-discount-bin movie project but because, simply put, he sucks balls. Tucker Max is the kind of douche that pretends not to give a damn about anything except for the end game - the story. Yet, the truth is, he’s probably the most sensitive son-of-a-bitch on this planet. If you sent him an email right now (tuckermax@gmail.com) and told him how terrible his book was, he’d be devastated and spend the rest of the day justifying his minimal successes. You see, though Tucker Max pretends to this alcohol-fueled frat boy who cares about nothing short of the next sexual conquest, he truly thinks of himself as some quasi-Ernest Hemingway for Generation Y. Tucker Max is much more like James Frey - not because he’s a decent writer - but because he’s a complete liar. My guess is, 2/3rds of ‘I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell’ isn’t just unreadable, it’s a work of fiction. I’ll post the script later. Until then, enjoy these photos of some chick named Holly Valance in FHM and click my links.

Jesus Christ: Miley Cyrus is in yet another back of slutty pics
Shauna Sand’s face is beginning to look pretty disgusting
That chick from ‘Everybody Loves Raymond’ has no belly button
The Hills star Lauren Conrad shows you where to stick your junk
Posh Spice’s face is even worse off than Shauna Sand’s

Posted in: Daily Eye Candy, Meet The V-Listers

Tags: FHM, Holly Valance

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Gyulai Viktoria Is In The Hungarian Version Of FHM

Posted By: Shawn On: July 18, 2008
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I have no clue who Gyulai Viktoria is but I hear she’s famous in Hungary and possibly Poland as well. I’ve never been to Hungary but I am hungry as hell right now. I’m still on the couch and the only food I’ve ingested all day long is three Hershey’s kisses. I’m starting to look at squirrels outside my apartment and dogs and cats as a possible food source. I’ve been assured on several occasions that pizza is ‘on the way’ but I’m not likely to believe that until this mysterious pizza appears. I have to get some nourishment before the big show tonight. That’s right, it’s Friday and that means I get paid money to watch girls dance around a pole as I swill unlimited free drinks and talk into a microphone. Last week the girls were ridiculous. Two different chicks showed the whole club their goods and another few just flashed their boobs. It was awesome. Check out these photos of Hungarian hottie Gyulai Viktoria as we get ready for another kick ass weekend.

WTF? Kat Von D is beginning to look like some kind of crazy clown
Britney Spears is free to get as drunk as she wants to get
My Hero: Pete Doherty is on the run after a warrant was issued
Danica Patrick has some hot ass legs at the ESPY awards
Danica Patrick’s hair is not quite as hot as her super sexy legs

Posted in: Daily Eye Candy, VS Bikini Madness

Tags: FHM, Gyulai Viktoria

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Ana Ivanovic Is On The Cover Of FHM In August

Posted By: Shawn On: July 6, 2008
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The cookout was a success and I’m pretty tanked at this point. That chick Samantha was wasted and she was falling all over me for a few hours. Then, it descended into a bizarre circle of girls gathered around me begging me to make fun of them. Apparently I am quite good at this and, for some even more bizarre reason, they enjoyed it. Samantha brought her friend from work who looks like one of those hot chicks from the exercise infomercials. What I’m saying is, she was hot in that cheesy 80’s-type way. I was planning on trying to coax her into coming back to my place but she was so hammered she could barely form a coherent sentence. She gave me her phone number but I think it may have an extra digit or two. Now I’m sitting on my porch watching two hot chicks play tennis as the sun goes down and I see these photos of Ana Ivanovic in the August edition of FHM. Ana comes off as a little uptight in these photos and I’m not seeing too much skin but her face is hot and I would do her. Enjoy these photos of Ana Ivanovic in FHM and I’ll see you bastards tomorrow.

Tara Reid’s body should be declared an official disaster area
Jennie Garth is still looking hot on the set of the new 90210
Rapper T.I. plays a concert at a church and humps some female fan
Lame: Britney Spears is on a boat but she isn’t wearing a bikini
Lots of hot chicks to oogle at the official Hills cast party

Posted in: Daily Eye Candy, Meet The V-Listers, VS Bikini Madness

Tags: Ana Ivanovic, FHM, Tennis

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Dutch Singer Elize Van Der Horst Is Hot

Posted By: Shawn On: June 14, 2008
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It wasn’t until I started writing for Vanity Spy that I realized magazines like FHM and Maxim were published all over the world. There are Spanish, Italian, Japanese and a million other versions of each magazine and, naturally, each one has different content. It’s like an unknown goldmine of incredibly hot chicks. This particular version of FHM is from the Netherlands and Dutch singer Elize Van Der Horst is on the cover next month. Judging by my rough-at-best translation of the article inside, they asked her four separate times to pose for the magazine and she kept turning them down. It’s crazy to me that she’s this massive Dutch pop star that damn near no one in the United States has ever heard of. It’s my new mission to make her famous in the States and we’ll start with this hot ass spread in next month’s Dutch edition of FHM.

The Elize Van Der Horst Wikipedia entry for more details on the Dutch hottie
The new Pussycat Dolls slut-a-thon video for ‘When I Grow Up’ is God awful
Diablo Cody turns 30-years-old today and I want to sleep with her tonight
Monica Cruz looks incredibly hot and I don’t know who she is
Jennifer Tilly is still doable at 50 despite the whole poker thing

Posted in: Daily Eye Candy, Meet The V-Listers

Tags: Elize Van Der Horst, FHM

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Behind The Scenes: Megan Fox FHM Shoot

Posted By: Shawn On: June 10, 2008
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This behind-the-scenes look at the infamous Megan Fox FHM shoot is quite possibly the sexiest thing I have seen since I first discovered women. I was unaware that she could actually speak until I watched the video below. I posted it here in case this world ends in a nuclear holocaust and there is any debate over the matter. Whoever that guy is whose job it is to basically sit next to the bed and make sure she looks hot is my idol. Taylor Hicks can kiss my ass, this guy is the real deal. I would do that job for minimum wage and I would totally play pocket poll the entire time. It would be amazing.

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