The Heat Is Really Getting To Juliette Lewis

Posted By: Shawn On: June 22, 2008
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I spent the last three or so hours completely reinstalling Windows Vista on a laptop that isn’t even three months old yet so I am not in the greatest mood. I thought a solution to my misery would be a few stiff drinks but I ended up spilling my vodka and applejuice all over the keyboard of my desktop computer which is now broken as well. I’m pretty much a disaster right now as I am too drunk to drive down the street to Best Buy and get a new keyboard, powersupply and laptop. I’m back on my old computer and I’m amazed it still works but I don’t want to talk about that too much for fear of jinxing myself. Juliette Lewis is even more of a mess than I am right now. She’s come a long way since National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation and most of it has been downhill. Maybe there was something in the air yesterday in Malibu because she wasn’t far from Phoebe Price. I’m really pissed off about this whole laptop thing.

Rachel Ray is getting really fat off those Thirty Minute Meals she cooks
More Phoebe Price dance-monkey-dance stuff - now with ice cream
What in the name of God is wrong with Courtney Love?
Larry Birkhead bought Anna Nicole Smith’s lingerie at an auction
Amy Winehouse is still totally dying from Emphysema you guys

Posted in: Meet The V-Listers, Wardrobe Malfunction

Tags: Crazy, Juliette Lewis

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Jessica Simpson Looks Like A Complete Lunatic

Posted By: Shawn On: June 11, 2008
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While Ashlee Simpson is doing well and preparing for her first child, the other Simpson bitch is failing miserably at life in general. She was snapped wandering outside her New York City hotel last night and she has that crazy look in her eyes. I’ve seen that look before. Years ago, I was sleeping on my friends couch and his live-in girlfriend disappeared. She didn’t show up for days, wouldn’t answer the phone and even her parents couldn’t find her. He was so worried that he filed a police report and made it clear that he thought she was either dead or kidnapped. I didn’t buy the story for a second because she was way too fat to get kidnapped and I didn’t think anyone would kill her. So, like five days later, I’m watching the Smurfs and nursing a killer hangover and this bitch walks in the door like nothing happened. She sits down next to me on the couch and I look at her face and vomit all over the just-steam cleaned floor. Seriously, I threw up everywhere. She had been strung out on crystal meth the whole time and her face looked like it served as the ring for some kind of UFC battle for cats. She was skinny as a rail and she smelled terrible. My friend ended up marrying this chick a few years later. Jessica Simpson looks exactly like her in these photos.