Posted By: Shawn On: July 23, 2008
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Donald Trump just sold his house on Palm Beach Island, about 5 minutes down the road from me, for like a bagillion dollars. Actually, he opted for a real amount of money somewhere around 95 million dollars. It’s a massive house with a huge property right on the water but the craziest thing about the sale was the fact that he sold it to some Russian billionaire who doesn’t even plan to live there. The Russian dude has so much money that he can blow a hundred mil without batting an eye and he’s not even going to live in the house? Allow me to use this forum of mine to address this rich bastard. Dmitry Rybolovlev, if you want someone to just hang around, house sit and throw orgies, I’m your man. It would be a shame to leave that massive abode empty and hollow. I’ll make sure all of the migrants that you are paying slave wages get all of their work done. The lawn will look spectacular. So think about it, Mr. Rybolovlev, and get back to me. My email address is below and my bags are packed. Marla Maples used to live in that giant house. Check out these photos of her acting like a jackass who needs some attention on the beach then click my links or die trying.

That pregnant man, who wasn’t a man, is showing off her baby
Gabrielle Reece is showing off her massive rack at the beach
Pink is about to make a comeback and her label keeps bothering me
Lindsay and Ali Lohan both enjoy music that sucks balls
Ashley Tisdale is looking hot at some random coffee place

Posted in: Celebrity Train Wrecks, What A Jackass

Tags: Jackass, Marla Maples

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Posted By: Shawn On: July 20, 2008
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I found out I’m getting a new car today. By ‘new’, I mean the Infinity J-30 that my Mom has been rocking for the past 5 years. She just went to visit my grandfather and she’s headed back with his Mercedes right now. This is welcome news because my car is what I like to call a complete disaster right now. There is so much garbage in the passenger seat that a small ecosystem has developed on the floor board. The leaders of this new ecosystem appear to be the ants that are living off of leftovers from fast-food bags on the floor. They’re probably the biggest ants I’ve ever seen and they constantly bite me while I’m driving. I would clean out the passenger seat area and get rid of the ants but they seem quite comfortable in their new home and, to be honest, I’m scared to see what else is going on down there. In due time, I’ll screw this newer, nicer car up just as bad but for now it will be a welcome change. Check out these completely unrelated photos of Coco, her ridiculous linebacker-like body and washed-up rapper Ice-T doing whatever they do on the weekend. I’m headed to the neighborhood bar.

Flobots ‘Handlebars’ is the best video I have seen in forever and a day
Bad News: The Mini-Me sex tape may never be released
Khloe Kardashian served a solid 173 minutes behind bars in LA
Lindsay Lohan is still a lesbian and she’s still with Sam Ronson
Let’s take another look at the scars on Katie Price’s boobs

Posted in: Celebrity Train Wrecks, I See Your Boobs

Tags: Boobs, Coco, Ice T

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Posted By: Shawn On: July 17, 2008
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Katie Price is sometimes referred to as ‘Jordan’ so it makes my job quite hard when it comes down to perfecting a title for her entries. I really wish she would just choose one name or the other and call it a day. Katie Price/Jordan has now officially entered the club of people who write books about their lives before they’ve done anything significant. Alongside her in this exclusive club are the Olsen Twins, Hannah Montana and Madonna. It’s no coincidence that all of these women have worn some pretty ridiculous outfits over the years. I can’t tell you exactly what Katie Price/Jordan is wearing, only that it looks like some slutty version of the Good Witch’s outfit in The Wizard Of Oz. She has a crown and everything. I’m not sure which of the thirteen Katie Price/Jordan fans around the world will buy her book but at least we got another look at her boobs. Enjoy the photos and tell a friend about Vanity Spy today.

Nicole Kidman is shedding off that baby weight pretty quickly
Some movie is coming out called House Bunny and it looks lame
Robin Thick is a douche but hot chicks are in his new music video
Prepare: Heidi Montag and Britney Spears may be in the same room
Everyone hates Rumor Willis but I would totally hit that

Posted in: Celebrity Train Wrecks, Fashion Statements

Tags: Book, Jordan, Katie Price

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Posted By: Shawn On: July 13, 2008
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So I finally made it back in West Palm Beach and my Internet is down. I live in one of those communities where you don’t have much of a choice in cable providers. You see, the crooked assholes who run this joint have a deal with a terrible national company called DirecPath. They claim to offer DirecTV for some rather affordable rates and they also claim to have ‘high speed Internet’. The upload speeds clock in at an amazing 30kbps which is about as fast my usb modem was when I was surfing on AOL 1.0 back in 1995. They advertise the download speeds as 5.0 Mbps and the best numbers I could get were closer to 1.0 Mbps. The ‘DirecTV’ service that they offer is not available in my complex and I have to deal with their sad excuse for digital cable. They discontinued this ‘digital cable’ service about a month ago and neglected to tell anyone. They didn’t, however, neglect to keep charging me for this ‘digital cable’ that they no longer provide. The bottom line is, this company sucks and you should thank God that you don’t have to deal with them. Maybe these pictures of Jessica Simpson on her way to the Heart concert will brighten up my day but I don’t it.

Some genius hacked Miley Cyrus’ cellphone and found more dirty pics
Britney Spears is out on the town doing something with Jamie Lynn
Lindsay Lohan’s boobs seem to get bigger every single day
Two babies fell out of Angelina Jolie’s vagina for real this time
Update: Madonna is a slut and her brother wrote a book about it

Posted in: Celebrity Train Wrecks, Daily Eye Candy

Tags: Jessica Simpson, Tony Romo

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Posted By: Shawn On: July 10, 2008
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Apparently, I’m a complete and total jackass and this post was sitting unfinished with no links or text for about 2 hours. That just goes to show you what kind of shape I’m in today. It’s been a really long day and I’m beginning to think that something is medically wrong with me. It’s not the drinking or hard living that’s getting to me yet, I think it’s something else. There’s no solid reason why I should be completely out of breath after one flight of stairs but I am. My mother, who just so happens to be a nurse, thinks I have thyroid problems and I may need some kind of crazy ass radiation treatment. I’ll take some freaky pills and I can’t kiss anyone or use any silverware or cups that anyone else will be using for thirty days. That doesn’t sound like much fun and I just so happen to look at doctors a bit like I look at car mechanics so I’m hesitant to check in. One thing’s for sure, if I come up with Hepatitis I’m heading to Australia and beating Pamela Anderson unconscious with chicken wings. Take that PETA.

Check out these Lindsay Lohan magazine photoshoot outtakes
Definitive Proof: Christina Aguilera always wears gray and white
Attention Stalkers: You can buy Lindsay Lohan’s leggings online
Katy Perry keeps hiding her boobs but I can tell they’re massive
Ashley Tisdale is breaking the law because she’s super hot

Posted in: Celebrity Train Wrecks, What A Jackass

Tags: pamela anderson, Pokies

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Posted By: Shawn On: July 9, 2008
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I’m starving. Not starving in the true sense of the word, like an Ethiopian with flies around his belly who’s so hungry that he can’t actually eat, but just hungry. I’d love to say that I’m going to eat something healthy that will get me on the fast track to fitness but God knows I’m going to hit up a Sonic or something and stuff my face. I almost can’t imagine the pressure on someone like Pamela Anderson to remain fit for so many years. She has to constantly monitor her food intake so she doesn’t get fat. If Pamela Anderson gains ten pounds, it’s all over. The checks stop flowing in, the Playboy offers dry up, she’d be lucky to even get another sex tape offer. Stay on your game Pam, you’ve got enough problems with your face falling apart as you get older. These photos are from a press conference that everyone ignored yesterday where Pamela Anderson discussed her upcoming appearance on Big Brother. Try to pretend like you actually care…

Because It’s Tuesday: Amy Winehouse is absolutely wasted once again
Cheryl Cole is hot and for some unknown reason she is famous
Rihanna gets paid $50,000 to get wasted for 2 hours at a club
So Close: David Lee Roth almost died because of nuts in his mouth
These photos of Brigitte Nielsen are sure to make you vomit

Posted in: Celebrity Train Wrecks, Wardrobe Malfunction

Tags: ass, pamela anderson

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Posted By: Shawn On: July 8, 2008
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I’m digging in to some brand new band called 3oh!3. They’re like a cross between Beastie Boys and Cobra Starship. You probably hate both of those bands but this CD is addictive. I just got my tickets and press passes for Warped Tour 2008 and I think I have a free hotel in South Beach so I might as well go see 3oh!3 while I’m there. I could use this weekend off to get hammered and search for Brooke Hogan in Miami. That’s where these photos were snapped and whereas before I would be quick to make fun of Brooke Hogan she looks amazing today. She’s got just that right amount of meat on her bones where it looks sexy and her boobs and ass look like they’re performing on a higher level. So ideally I will meet Brooke Hogan in Miami and we will get wasted and procreate. In reality, I will go down there with some friends and chase around teenagers. Either way, it’ll be fun.

Whose Boobs Are Better?: Ashlee Simpson or Jessica Simpson
Lindsay Lohan is STILL filming ‘Labor Pains’ and her boobs are STILL big
Kaley Cuoco is new to me but she’s hot enough to watch
Amanda Bynes is all legs after watching that Kung Fu Panda flick
Leelee Sobieski shows off her impressive rack on the beach somewhere

Posted in: Celebrity Train Wrecks, Daily Eye Candy

Tags: Bikini, Brooke Hogan

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