Paz Vega Is That Hot MILF In A Thong Bikini

Posted By: Shawn On: August 12, 2008
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Co-existing with people is a real bitch for me. I’m the least dramatic person you’ll ever meet but I can certainly be a mess. Not a mess in that ‘he leaves pizza boxes everywhere’ type way but just a disaster in motion. For instance, as I’ve said before, I’ve been living in my new apartment for about 4 months and I still sleep on an inflatable mattress on the floor. I have the money to buy a bed whenever I want I just always seem to find something better to do with my time. For me, getting wasted and relaxing or chatting up hot chicks is a much better use of the time I don’t spend on Vanity Spy. I’m not going to get a great story out of buying a Serta Sleeper so I’ll choose slamming shots with some Miami Dolphins cheerleaders over bed shopping any day. And it’s not just that I have an inflatable bed that makes me a bad roommate, around my bed I am surrounded by mounds of dirty clothes and a Dish Network satellite which is the end result of my failed mission to battle the local cable company. Do you know how many times my drunken ass has tripped over that Satellite at night? God damn do I hate that cable company. Anyone want a Dish? Check out Paz Vega ironing out her parental skills by showing her tot what a thong looks like and then click my links.

Katie Holmes always looks exactly the same everyday
Why does Jamie Foxx have a Nazi sign on his boogie board?
Britney Spears is going to embarrass herself in front of the world
Lies, Lies, Lies: Radiohead didn’t record the soundtrack for ‘Choke’
Here’s the leaked trailer to some movie called ‘Underworld’

Posted in: Daily Eye Candy, I See Your Goods, Shot From The Back, VS Bikini Madness

Tags: Bikini, Paz Vega

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Kendra Wilkinson Is The World’s Sluttiest Golfer

Posted By: Shawn On: July 31, 2008
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Kendra Wilkinson is one of the ‘Girls Next Door‘ chicks who pretends to bang Hugh Hefner. Apparently she was at some charity golf event where the press was snapping photos and she figured the sluttier she acted, the more press she would get. She was right. Speaking of whores, I’ve just been informed that both Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie are in town and they will be at the same event as me tonight. You see, Good Charlotte is in town playing a concert here in West Palm Beach and I’ve got some backstage passes. At the moment, they’re supposedly running around town shopping and trying to draw as much attention to themselves as possible. I’ll be sure to get wasted and cause a massive scene when I run into those bitches tonight. Enjoy these photos of Kendra Wilkinson acting like a slut playing golf and click my links.

Awesome: A Butthole Surfers gig ends with the lead singer fighting the sound guy
Things You Missed: Celebrity items on EBay that were awesome
Sharon Stone is getting sued by the Chinese government
Topanga is making a comeback on some show called ‘The Dish’
Relax boys, Katherine Heigl is still an insufferable bitch

Posted in: Celebrity Train Wrecks, Shot From The Back

Tags: Girls Next Door, Kendra Wilkinson

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Gisele Bundchen Shows Her Ass In V Magazine

Posted By: Shawn On: July 15, 2008
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Wow. I think that’s the pinnacle of things as far as hot asses go. This issue of V Magazine just hit newsstands today but God knows you cheap bastards won’t buy it. Mostly because it’s a magazine about women’s fashion and there’s nothing inside that you care about besides these particular photos. But also because you’re bastards. I tossed in some behind the scenes shots as well because, despite your lack of emails, I remain the greatest person alive. The good news is, I’m busting out of the office and heading to the premiere of Batman: Dark Knight tonight. The screening is in an IMAX theater and they serve alcohol there - an open bar. I’m not sure if they realize how much of a mistake it was to invite me but my money says they will regret this tomorrow morning. I’m going to start pounding drinks as soon as I walk in the door and there’s a good chance I’m going to put this place out of business. If I can remember anything tomorrow morning after I wash the hooker smell off, I’ll tell you what I thought of the movie. I can tell you one thing for sure, it’s going to be the biggest box office smash of the Summer no matter what I have to say about it.

Holy Crap: Amanda Bynes is banging Family Guy’s Seth McFarlane
More photos of Hefner’s bitches at the Playboy event last night
Sneak Peek: Here’s the cover of Ashlee Harkleroad’s Playboy issue
Ashlee Harkleroad is a famous sexy tennis player you jackass
Hayden Panettiere is singing but I’m just looking at her boobs

Posted in: Daily Eye Candy, Shot From The Back

Tags: Gisele Bundchen, V Magazine

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Jennifer Lopez Is Chubby In An Ugly Ass Bikini

Posted By: Shawn On: July 5, 2008
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I’m a complete mess right now. I’ve been laying in bed all day long dreading the moment when I had to get up to post this. I can only imagine if I had a real job like tarring roofs or something. The Simple Plan 4th of July thing was ridiculous. After the fireworks and their concert I went back to Vince Neil’s bar, Dr. Feelgood’s, and hung out with the band. I had no clue that the guys in Simple Plan all had annoying French accents and I made it a point to mention that. The lead singer guy, his name is seriously Pierre, was wearing a shirt that I almost wore but I changed at the last minute. I was thankful for that and I have since removed said shirt from my rotation. The guys were pretty cool and they were trying to get laid the entire time we were in the VIP area. Pierre kept trying to get random girls to kiss each other and he was successful on more than one occasion. Chuck, the drummer, sneaked away to a back booth with a girl who was getting paid to pole dance in the club and I’m totally convinced he got a blowjob back there. We all got wasted and they all got laid. Some people say that they will never forget September 11, 2001, others, Pearl Harbor. I will never forget how completely annoying their French Canadian accents were. Three cheers for Simple Plan and the drunken night. Fun was had by all. Meanwhile, Jennifer Lopez and her husband Marc Anthony were swimming near their yacht in Portofino, Italy.

Some dude ripped off Hitler’s head at a wax museum in Berlin
Madonna’s marriage is just as miserable as everyone’s elses
I’m in complete and utter shock that Hancock is #1 at the box office
Pete Doherty figured it would be a good idea to get a brown horse
Gary Oldman talks about Dark Knight and I am strangely interested

Posted in: Daily Eye Candy, Shot From The Back, VS Bikini Madness

Tags: Bikini, Jennifer Lopez

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Ashley Tisdale’s Ass Is Soaking Wet At The Beach

Posted By: Shawn On: July 4, 2008
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It’s nasty outside again. I’ve got some kick ass 4th of July stuff to do tonight but I don’t want to get struck by lightning so for now I’ll get drunk on my couch. The terribly lame pop-punk band Simple Plan is playing downtown West Palm Beach and I have VIP access to all of the events because people think I’m important. I’m not, but I’ll take all of the free stuff I can get. The first thing I’m going to do is stop by this event at Dr. Feelgood’s, a bar owned by Vince Neil of Mötley Crüe, where I basically get wasted for free whenever I want. Then, I’m headed down to the Simple Plan thing and a fireworks show right on the water. I’m hoping that hot girls will be dumb enough to wear clothing that will become see-thru when the inevitable rain comes. Then, I’m invited to some other club for an after-party with Simple Plan and I will get paid to be a jackass with a microphone. Wish me luck. Enjoy these photos of Ashley Tisdale on the beach in Maui yesterday.

Mandy Moore battles the wind and wins in her low-cut sweater
This, my friends, is how you go about hiding a giant elephant
This is what happens when you light 10.5 million firecrackers
That funny McLovin dude gets way more hot ass than he deserves
Cover Your Eyes: Perez Hilton takes his shirt off for some reason

Posted in: Daily Eye Candy, Shot From The Back, VS Bikini Madness

Tags: Ashley Tisdale, Bikini

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Angelina Jolie’s Ass Is Hot In The Movie ‘Wanted’

Posted By: Shawn On: July 1, 2008
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I like chicks with tattoos. When you tell people that they usually think of the ugly ass biker bitches that go to Sturgis or something. I’m talking about Angelina Jolie-type ladies who opted out of the unoriginal tramp-stamp look for something a little sexier. What’s crazy is I’ve dated a bunch of girls like that and at first I always think they’re strong women because of the tattoos but they’re not. Some of the whiniest bitches I’ve been with had full sleeves. And they always bitch about how much it hurt to get whatever tattoos they have done. I have like six tattoos and I’ve never complained about the pain once. I’m not saying I’m a badass, I’m just saying it’s not that big of a deal. Some dude sneaked a camera into Angelina Jolie’s new movie ‘Wanted’ and filmed this scene where she shows off her hot ass. I want to touch it right now and so do you.