Posted By: Shawn On: July 23, 2008
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Donald Trump just sold his house on Palm Beach Island, about 5 minutes down the road from me, for like a bagillion dollars. Actually, he opted for a real amount of money somewhere around 95 million dollars. It’s a massive house with a huge property right on the water but the craziest thing about the sale was the fact that he sold it to some Russian billionaire who doesn’t even plan to live there. The Russian dude has so much money that he can blow a hundred mil without batting an eye and he’s not even going to live in the house? Allow me to use this forum of mine to address this rich bastard. Dmitry Rybolovlev, if you want someone to just hang around, house sit and throw orgies, I’m your man. It would be a shame to leave that massive abode empty and hollow. I’ll make sure all of the migrants that you are paying slave wages get all of their work done. The lawn will look spectacular. So think about it, Mr. Rybolovlev, and get back to me. My email address is below and my bags are packed. Marla Maples used to live in that giant house. Check out these photos of her acting like a jackass who needs some attention on the beach then click my links or die trying.

That pregnant man, who wasn’t a man, is showing off her baby
Gabrielle Reece is showing off her massive rack at the beach
Pink is about to make a comeback and her label keeps bothering me
Lindsay and Ali Lohan both enjoy music that sucks balls
Ashley Tisdale is looking hot at some random coffee place

Posted in: Celebrity Train Wrecks, What A Jackass

Tags: Jackass, Marla Maples

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Posted By: Shawn On: July 22, 2008
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I’m going to the doctor tomorrow. I had to bite the bullet and make an appointment before I die, slumped over my keyboard. Sure, I’ll get a post-mortem pop on the cable news outlets and maybe somebody will write about how ‘that guy who runs that site’ died because he was a jackass and abused his body for a million-plus years. I welcome that ink when the time does come but, for now, I think I want to stick around for a while. I have so many different things wrong with me that it’s almost hard to imagine getting through this doctors appointment at all but my pipe dream is that I come out A-OK. Toss me a few bottles of medicine, tell me it’s all in my head or diagnose me and let’s get on with life. I don’t really care how it plays out, I’m just excited that it’s finally going to play out. When I’m done, I’m packing my bags and heading to wherever James Blunt is. Homeboy, along with his friend who used to be on CSI, has a boat full of hot topless chicks and they look like they’re having some fun. Enjoy the photos, click my links and, if all goes well, I’ll see you bastards tomorrow. At least I hope so…

Whoa Momma: Lindsay Lohan looks like ass on the set of ‘Ugly Betty’
Oh well, at least Britney’s rack looks good in this photo
Confusing: Somebody from Borat got some kind of movie deal
This is a ripoff of an even funnier joke but it’s still good
Maybe Batman’s mom is just a crazy bitch who wants attention?

Posted in: I See Your Boobs, VS Bikini Madness, What A Jackass

Tags: Bikini, James Blunt

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Posted By: Shawn On: July 18, 2008
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Someone from the UK Sun sent me these photographs to post for you freaks. They are EXCLUSIVE to Vanity Spy and I enjoy writing the word EXCLUSIVE in all capitals. Apparently, the UK Sun hired this greasy, crazy ass ex-wrestler guy to host an online show called The Heyman Hustle. Homeboy interviews Hugh Hefner’s girlfriends in his latest episode and they’re much more relaxed than they are while filming Girls Next Door. They talk about group sex and all sorts of other ridiculous subjects as Heyman makes them more and more uncomfortable by the minute. I mean, just look at those photos and tell me Hefner’s girls don’t look scared as hell. You can check out a video of the interview on the UK Sun’s website. No, I’m not getting paid to mention this but the show is kind of addictive. I thought Heyman was going to bust out a chair and hit one of Hef’s bitches at any minute. He doesn’t. He does, however, sweat like a pig and ask the questions all of you sick bastards were thinking in your head. Watch Heyman do whatever the hell he does on The Heyman Hustle and then click my glorious links.

The fat, ugly Kardashian sister is in jail and this is her mugshot
Flavor Flav’s fiancee is much hotter than I had anticipated
Brooke Hogan is completely naked and she’s taking a shower
Brittany Murphy looks pretty hot driving around doing whatever
Batman: Dark Knight will make an unpronounceable sum of money

Posted in: Daily Eye Candy, What A Jackass

Tags: Exclusive, Girls Next Door

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Posted By: Shawn On: July 14, 2008
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[Images Removed]

I would never sleep around with Ekaterina Ivanova because I have a hard enough time remembering girls names when they’re as simple as ‘Jennifer’ or ‘Ashlee’. I know that old dude from the Rolling Stones who left his wife and kids for this teenage homewrecker is most certainly not as smart as I am so this must have been his downfall. His name is Ronnie Wood, the 61-year-old guitarist for the ‘Stones, and apparently he stole this chick away from her 26-year-old boyfriend. Rumor has it, he feeds her alcohol around the clock and paints her naked. That sounds quite fun, actually. She has an interesting look but I seriously don’t think I could ever get past that name. I’m no fortune teller but I see this sucker ending in a nasty divorce where he ends up as the ‘Beast of Burden’ Ha! You see what I did there? I integrated a title of a Rolling Stones song in my commentary. It’s like I’m writing for the Washington Post or something except with no readers. Enjoy these pictures of Ekaterina Ivanova and think about that old rock star banging her.

Here are some videos and photos from my Warped Tour adventure
Sarah Silverman and Jimmy Kimmel have officially broken up
The Simpson’s bitches Jessica and Ashlee are in Lake Tahoe, Nevada
Jailbait: Chill out boys, Georgia is Mick Jagger’s 16-year-old daughter
Kate Moss seems to have misplaced her top for the 1,000th time

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Posted in: Daily Eye Candy, I See Your Goods, What A Jackass

Tags: Ekaterina Ivanova, Ronnie Wood

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Posted By: Shawn On: July 10, 2008
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Apparently, I’m a complete and total jackass and this post was sitting unfinished with no links or text for about 2 hours. That just goes to show you what kind of shape I’m in today. It’s been a really long day and I’m beginning to think that something is medically wrong with me. It’s not the drinking or hard living that’s getting to me yet, I think it’s something else. There’s no solid reason why I should be completely out of breath after one flight of stairs but I am. My mother, who just so happens to be a nurse, thinks I have thyroid problems and I may need some kind of crazy ass radiation treatment. I’ll take some freaky pills and I can’t kiss anyone or use any silverware or cups that anyone else will be using for thirty days. That doesn’t sound like much fun and I just so happen to look at doctors a bit like I look at car mechanics so I’m hesitant to check in. One thing’s for sure, if I come up with Hepatitis I’m heading to Australia and beating Pamela Anderson unconscious with chicken wings. Take that PETA.

Check out these Lindsay Lohan magazine photoshoot outtakes
Definitive Proof: Christina Aguilera always wears gray and white
Attention Stalkers: You can buy Lindsay Lohan’s leggings online
Katy Perry keeps hiding her boobs but I can tell they’re massive
Ashley Tisdale is breaking the law because she’s super hot

Posted in: Celebrity Train Wrecks, What A Jackass

Tags: pamela anderson, Pokies

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Posted By: Shawn On: July 7, 2008
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It looks like someone threw a wrench in that whole ‘Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson are getting back together theory’ and that someone is magical douchebag Criss Angel. I’m guessing that other even more washed up dude next to Criss Angel is his brother or something. That guy looks like he’s lived a pretty hard life. He probably knows where to get the good H. Call me. So, it’s official, Pamela Anderson is 41-years-old. A bunch of people told a bunch of other legitimate news outlets that Criss Angel and Pamela Anderson were trading STD’s in a corner booth and that has to piss off Tommy Lee. I guess she wants to make her life as chaotic as possible while she records her upcoming reality show ‘Pam: Girl on the Loose’ which neither of us will ever watch. Soak up these pictures of Pamela celebrating her 41st birthday in Las Vegas with a cake that looks like a vagina and then click my links.

I Love Rumors: Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson are engaged?
Amy Winehouse is with some dude that she shouldn’t be with
Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition makes for behind-the-scenes goodness
Katie Holmes may or may not be pregnant with another Thetan
‘The Day The Earth Stood Still’ looks like it will be a badass movie

Posted in: Celebrity Train Wrecks, What A Jackass

Tags: Birthday, Criss Angel, pamela anderson

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Posted By: Shawn On: July 5, 2008
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When I was at the club last night I ran into a bizarre situation that I face every now and then. I know this guy who only has one arm and another little stubby thing. Whenever I meet someone I always attempt to shake their hands so as to be polite before I make jokes about having sex with their dead mother. Problem is, amputee man holds his drink in his good hand and when I reach for the handshake he always has to put the drink down and give me an awkward shake. It’s really uncomfortable and the only thing worse is when I go for the gold and shake his creepy stump thing. He doesn’t think this is funny at all and he hates when I do it. I think from now on I might just salute him or something. Then again, maybe he’ll feel like he has to salute me back and were right back at square one. The only thing more bizarre than this situation is the fact that Jim Carey is wearing Jenny McCarthy’s bikini. I guess he thought it would be fun to screw with the paparazzi or something. Click around in the thumbnails below and you’ll see some serious sideboob action. Then click my links and I’ll see you tomorrow.

Jesse Jane is the new Jenna Jameson. Right that down somewhere.
Tom Cruise is wearing a cowboy hat and he looks really weird
The biggest wave ever surfed and filmed is impressive to me
Wonder Woman is an alcoholic. So am I but I don’t have a cape.
Eminem punched some dude two years ago and he’s getting sued

Posted in: Daily Eye Candy, What A Jackass

Tags: Jenny McCarthy, Jim Carey

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